Prisoner files restraining order against GTA IV

We all knew that people who play Grand Theft Auto games can be very dangerous as every last one of them turns into a homicidal maniac, but did you know that the game itself is a threat to the safety and well-being of people too? In fact, one man feels so threatened by the game that he has filed a restraining order for the game. That man is prisoner 40948-018, a.k.a. Jonathan Lee Riches, and he feels that GTA IV and its predecessors are a direct threat to his well-being.

Riches, who was put into FCI Williamsburg in South Carolina, a medium security prison that is currently home to 1,638 male inmates, for wire-fraud, claims in his filing (seen above) that “Defendants contributed to Plaintiff committing identity theft. Defendant’s games show sex, drugs and violence which offends me.” But this isn’t the only horror the as of yet unreleased game has committed upon this troubled soul. Riches also states, “Defendants put me in prison. I face imminent danger from violent inmates who played Grand Theft Auto who will knock me out and take my gold Jesus cross.” Damn you, GTA! Damn you to hell for what you have done to this man!

As if this wasn’t enough for one man to endure, the Job like Riches filed a complaint against NFL quarterback Michael Vick last year for “$63,000,000,000 billion dollars,” alleging Vick had ties to Al Qaeda. Sadly, he did not win. He has also unsuccessfully sued Martha Stuart, New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick, President George W. Bush, Steve Jobs and Britney Spears. Will the horror wrought by these foul people on poor Mr. Riches ever end? I for one hope that GTA IV is allowed nowhere near this man, for sake of his gold Jesus cross and all that is good in the world.

[See also: Grand Theft Auto IV gallery]