GoldenEye: Rogue Agent
Remember when I said EA realized that they could never top GoldenEye? Well that was a lie. In fact they were arrogant enough to try to make a “spiritual successor” to the game by producing GoldenEye: Rogue Agent. Well screw you EA. I don’t need both one of the greatest FPS games ever and the history of the Bond franchise bastardized because you want to cash in on their names. Still, I’m weak and I bought the game. I mean Oddjob was in it, what was I supposed to do? Plus, the premise was actually pretty interesting — instead of playing as Bond you play as a Bond villain, who has a golden cyborg eye thing (thus the game’s name). But instead of actually playing as a Bond villain, EA decided to instead make you play with other Bond villains, not only creating an idiotic plot where Dr. No and Goldfinger are fighting each other in the process, but completely and totally bastardizing Bond cannon which has been bastardized plenty by the films and non-Fleming books, and quite frankly, doesn’t really need anymore help, thank you very much.
The game was incredibly bland, despite the fact that you got to play at plenty of well known Bond locales, and really the only thing that stood out was the golden eye itself which had been installed into your characters head. The thing had powers like a magnet that could disarm bad guys or reflect bullets and MRI vision. But the AI and level design was so bad it didn’t really matter you had these powers and, much like The World is Not Enough, wanting to be GoldenEye 007 only made the game’s flaws stand out all the more. Especially since the designers decided the game should play like the now outdated original. Multiplayer was just as upsetting, with cramped and poorly designed levels that seemed to ignore the fact that your eye had frickin’ super powers! You could set traps for other players which were fun but not enough fun to rescue any aspect of the game from mediocrity.
When will developers realize that cashing in on a name does not mean your game will do well, unless of course that name is Sean Connery because Sean Connery makes everything better, which, of course, brings us to: From Russia With Love.
