Eyes-on / Onecanbara: Bikini Zombie Slayers

Breasticles, breasticles, breasticles, breasticles, zombies. Thus Onecanbara: Bikini Zombie Slayers is summed up and my work here is done.

Still here, huh? Well, I suppose if that didn’t sell you then you probably want to know about the game’s US release which is coming in 2009. The game has already been released in Japan and features two weapon wielding sisters, one, Saki Imichi, in a school girl outfit the other, Aya Imichi, in a bikini and boa, taking on a mass of living dead in classic beat-em-up style action. Gamers looking for depth should probably go elsewhere. Gamers looking for blood, gore, katanas and scantily clad women should stick around even if they’ve already bought the game, since D3 promises that this is not just a port but a improvement over the original release. A few new levels are being added along with some new gameplay mechanics.

Gameplay, which was demonstrated to me in the “adult section” of D3’s meeting room at E3, replete with a hanging bead entry way, mannequins dressed in the sister’s costumes from the movie based on the game, and wet nap packets that looked suspiciously like condoms, is about mashing buttons mostly. The loose plot which starts out with Saki informing Aya, who happens to be taking a shower, that the world is being run over by zombies and the two of them going out to kill said zombies is basically just set-up to have a girls in sexy outfits kill zombies in not sexy outfits.

I actually didn’t mean button mashing when I said it earlier. I meant Wii remote waving. Slashing with swords is handled with the remote and kicks are done with the Nunchuk. The two girls play a bit differently as one is more about strength and the other speed, but we only got to see Aya play, and sadly we didn’t get to see the “rage” mode at all because of time constraints. See, as Aya is slicing through zombie body after zombie body, her sword gets caked in blood. And when that happens, it will stick in zombies because the blade has become too dull. The player must perform a flicking action to clean the blade off and start over again with a sharp weapon. If you kill enough zombies Aya will become caked in blood and … wait for it … wait for it … look totally naked. Well, totally naked with a layer of blood over her.

That is it. Really. D3 isn’t saying anything about pricing yet as the game isn’t coming until early 2009 but seeing as they compared the game to Earth Defense Force, in the so bad it’s fun way, we’re guessing it will probably be a budget title.

[See also: Onecanbara: Bikini Zombie Slayers gallery]