Fact: There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

This is a true fact. Science has proven it. So when a man that powerful needs a game to compliment his power, where do you suppose it would turn up? A cell phone of course. Chuck Norris cares not for your home consoles and portable gaming devices, he will bring Chuck Norris: Bring on the Pain to your cell phone and you will enjoy it. While the game, in which Norris fights both Castro and Kim Jong-il (no, I am not making this up), was announced by Gameloft last month, the new video above, which shows off more than the first level in previous videos, just popped up leading most women and children to faint in pleasure/horror and all grown men to feel a little less manly. Oh, and don’t worry about the sound. Chuck Norris moves faster than the speed of sound so the video doesn’t have any.

I’d flesh this out with a bit more talk but talking bores Chuck Norris and I don’t want to be round house kicked so hard I’ll feel it yesterday, so I’m just going to share a few more facts you might want to know about Chuck Norris and the crazy awesome box art that will literally make your face melt: Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.