Remember when No More Heroes: Desperate Struggle was announced via a shiny, sexy trailer? I do. I was sitting on my couch, eating some frozen Little Debbie Nutty Bars, reading a comic adaptation of the 1972 classic Deep Throat when my RSS updated and there, in all its glory, was digital magic. Just thinking about the further adventures of Travis Touchdown and his odd jobs in Santa Destroy gives me a boner that would make the gods jealous. If there had been a polar bear in the room, I would’ve wrestled it to the ground and made it be a living rug. That is how pumped No More Heroes gets me.

Unfortunately, I think the gods became a little miffed at the possibility of their servants worshipping me and have seen fit to cast down punishment. Word has trickled in that the game won’t see the sun until January 2010 in the US and February/March 2010 in Europe. When I told Matt the news, he cried, which made me cry and together we rivaled the emotional pull of Old Yeller. That’s the power of pain, my friends. I have to find a box of Kleenex.