Man chokes girlfriend with Wiimote over stolen cookies

Imagine some lipstick on that blue plastic bag and we’ve got ourselves an authentic reenactment.

The Nintendo Wii is traditionally touted as the system that brings family together. That is unless a member of that same family wakes you up to bitch about you stealing their cookies, in which case the controller doubles as a convenient albeit ineffective strangulation device.

Such is the case of Daniel Alvarez of Austin, Texas, the bastion of gentlemanly manners who garroted his girlfriend Christina Alvarado with the cord of a Wiimote after she became angry with him for eating all her girl scout cookies. It seems she had the audacity to wake him up after discovering her secret stash of treats gone. The ensuing argument went the way of most, with the party at fault being charged with a felony.

“The two struggled until they ended up in the living room, where Alvarez grabbed a Wii controller. He put his knees on her chest to pin her down and strangled her with the cord,” according to the affidavit. “Alvarado was able to free herself and call 911. [She] had a faint mark from a cord around her neck, shortness of breath, trouble speaking and was coughing when police arrived.”

Alvarez fled the scene but was picked up by police a short time later. He is still in jail, with bail set at $40,000, facing charges of aggravated assault with serious bodily injury, a second degree felony punishable by up to 20 years in prison. That’s a long time to go without girl scout cookies.