Martin Lawrence sadly still not featured in Sonic & The Black Knight

It’s everybody’s favorite blue blur, Sonic the Hedgehog! Running fast! Collecting rings! With a sword? Dammit.

This latest trailer for Sonic & the Black Knight, the Wii exclusive Arthurian legend-inspired sequel to the Arabian Nights-infused Sonic and the Secret Rings, sees our titular hero chosen by a sacred sword of legend to hack and slash his way through a variety of chainmail-clad baddies. Sigh. A little part of me died while writing that – the part that remembers what the laughter of children sounded like.

I know I’m not the only one pining for a modern remake of the Genersis version of Sega’s furry blue moneymaker, before the “Storybook Series” and the “Adventure titles” traded the perfect blend of platforming and running for migraine-inducing speed. On rails no less.

Even if Sonic and the Black Knight turns out not to be a gliche-ridden waggle-fest, it is still destined to be disappointing. Think about it – while Sonic’s 16-bit adventures were just as engaging and memorable as Mario’s, every modern iteration has been mediocre at best, with the better titles only better in comparison to the shitty ones that came before. Sonic games are mostly compared to other Sonic games, and the fact that any of them have scored well is just a testament to how far our expectations for this once iconic character have slipped.

I don’t want to see Sonic fighting dragons, rescuing princesses, or paving the way for the legalization of interspecies marriage, I want to see him freeing cute woodland animals being used as organic batteries for a mad scientist’s evil robot army! There is no simpler tale.

That being said, I’ll probably play the ever lovin’ crap out of this game. Such is the life of a hypocrite.

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