Back in my day when you played an RTS you played it looking down from the sky and you played it on an old PC from DOS. These young new rabble rousers and their console RTS games, well, they be stirring up all sorts of trouble. Look at that trailer for Stormrise with its fancy “line of sight camera.” Why in my day you had one view to look from and you damn well have better liked it because there weren’t nothing else. Zoomin’ all in on the action like that — it just ain’t right.
Sure, maybe changing around how RTS games work will actually make one fun to play on a console, but that don’t mean you go ahead an’ do it. There’s tradition to consider. Kids these days are getting soft and it’s cause their games treat em’ too nicely with their real-time gaming and their new-fangled control schemes. This Stormrise is nothing but trouble, I tell you! Trouble with a captial T, which is a letter in RTS, and Stormrise is an RTS so it must be trouble. Dang whippersnappers and your three-dees, we don’t need it!