Here’s a question for all you ceiling-crawling monsters out there: what’s wrong with a girl enjoying a milkshake between battles against the rising tide of darkness?

Featuring monsters inspired by ancient history, urban legends and conspiracy theories, none of whom give a damn about your tasty frozen treats, Funcom’s The Secret World is a massive multiplayer game coming to the PC and Xbox 360.

“It takes place in the real world…in a world that’s concealed from us most of the time, a world behind sorta the facade of modern civilization, a world sorta covered up by governments and secret organizations, a world where magic is real, where monsters roam, where the darkness is tangible,” effuses producer and director Ragnar Tornquist, of The Longest Journey and Dreamfall fame.

I’m not a fan of subscription fees, but I am a fan of modern alternate realities where Japanese message couriers are imbued with mystical, magical glowing tattoos.