Left 4 Dead 2 reveals another melee weapon in its arsenal

Valve has given all of us a little sip from the river of knowledge of good, evil and Zombies. A new melee weapon has been announced for Left 4 Dead 2 today to commemorate the death of Jiminy Cricket, the cricket bat.

Cricket, a game based mostly around insect puns and Brits hating themselves, was invented in 1911 by Elvis P. Cricket (unrelated coincidence) as a stress reliever during child-birth. The original game could only be played by expectant mothers in their last week of pregnancy with points awarded for every flop-sweat and screaming fit players broke out into on the field. The original bats were made flat with tapered edges to be used as giant spatulas for prying the beanbag chair shaped women off the ground and carrying those that went into labor to the nearby hospital.

Major reformations were made after an outbreak of cheating during the 1938 summer season. “Stuffers,” women who were not pregnant, quickly became the norm. The first man to play the game wasn’t until 1997 when forced integration became popular. Now Cricket is basically unrecognizable from the game it once was but the bats are still used, usually for disciplining children, breaking in fratboys and fighting Raphael in Central Park.

Left 4 Dead 2 will be coming to the Xbox 360 and Steam this November, just in time for the *insert British-sounding word* Open!

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