Last year saw a lot of bickering amongst Microsoft, Nintendo and even Activision over financial agreements that prevented Goldeneye 007’s release on the Wii’s Virtual Console and Xbox Live Arcade. With all the finger pointing, financial problems and licensing issues, it was really no surprise that a Goldeneye 007 port wouldn’t be coming anytime soon. But for the few hopeful gamers out there praying for a glimmer of an optimistic world where people ride unicorns and Microsoft, Nintendo and Activision join hands together in weekly sing-alongs of “Kumbaya,” those dreams of online deathmatches in the Facility have been dashed by a pessimistic Rare. Answering a reader question on the subject of Goldeneye 007 being ported to the Wii Virtual Console or Xbox Live Arcade, Rare had some somber news.

“That was some time ago, my friend. Fate was against us that day. Destiny conspired to raise the hurdles even as we attempted to clear them, resulting in unpleasant groinal injury. I suspect we’re long past the stage where an agreement was on the cards, but you never know. Stranger things have happened… somewhere… probably,” the representative said, dashing any hopes of an agreement among the famed FPS’s various license holders. Any chance of a Goldeneye 007 port seeing the light of day, unless a miracle happens, has been completely squashed, forcing me to dig out my N64 out of the closet to get my fix of Slappers Only matches in the Temple.