David O. Russell’s Uncharted will have Sopranos-esque family dynamic

Like a steel toed boot to the ball sack of my heart is director David O. Russell’s latest comments concerning his upcoming big screen adaptation of Uncharted, which will star Mark Wahlberg, Robert DeNiro and possibly Joe Pesci as a family of criminals turned art connoisseurs.

“I think if we take that family dynamic that we have in ‘The Fighter,’ and put that in terms of a grander stage, with a crime family that metes out justice in the world of art and antiquities. If you’re the head of a museum, or head of state, you’ve got to deal with them, and they’re badass,” he said in an interview with IGN UK. “They’re like the Sopranos in some ways, but they have great taste, and they have a sense of justice.”

A “crime family” who “metes out justice”? Did he even look at the source material, because nothing he has mentioned in all his many interviews has even remotely resonated with the game, which we all know is about a smugly charming treasure hunter rocking the half tuck across multiple continents and through various weather conditions. If Russell really wanted “the gamers to be happy,” or really had “total respect for the game,” he would be thinking Henry “Indiana” Jones, not Paulie “Walnuts” Gualtieri. The operative term being “thinking,” which there doesn’t seem to be a lot of when it comes to this adaptation abomination.