L.A. Noire’s ESRB rating gets graphic

L.A. Noire, Rockstar Games’ decent into a hard-boiled 1940’s pulp detective novel, has reached my favorite stage of the game development life cycle – the ERSB description, which reveals all sorts of story details, coupled with an as always way too graphic description of the naughty bits.

The game’s main story will follow rookie Cole Phelps’ mission to stop a deranged serial killer. But first he’ll have to earn his detective’s badge, advancing through the department’s different desks (i.e., Patrol, Traffic Squad, Homicide, Vice, Arson) by solving cases pretty much run the gambit of every Law & Order spin-off ever aired. According to the spoiler-rific ESRB description, the open world detective story’s “shootouts … highlighted by realistic gunfire, cries of pain, and blood spurts that stain injured characters and the surrounding environment,” would have been more than enough to garner the M rating, to say nothing of the crowbar beatings, morphine injections, and pedobear hookups.

You can read all about the game’s decidedly un-sexy instances of full frontal nudity, unless you want to be surprised by man’s inhumanity towards man. There will be plenty dirty deeds to behold, as the BBFC rating – 18+ – reveals 5 hours and 12 minutes of cut-scenes and 3 hours and 25 minutes of extra footage, covering all the branching investigation and interrogation options.