Those flannel wearing, seft obsessive, top-knot sporting carrot-munchers are at it again! I am shocked, saddened and appalled to have learned what they’ve done to a perfectly nice, unsuspecting cup of black coffee. I have actually been able to get a testimonial from the heinously abused beverage thanks to our friends at Televisor. These folk are out to show the world just how evil the neck-beared toting bunch really are via their app Hipster Attack which will be appearing soon on your mobile device and PC screens via Steam. You knew I was referring to Hipsters right? Right.
I’ll post the testimonial shortly but let me first tell you about Hipster Attack and all the good work that Televisor have been doing. This is a defense game similar in style to another comical creation featuring undead hordes and foliage. The difference here is that instead of zombies you’ll battle a mindless horde of trend obsessed lemmings who, (ironically of course,) are trying to look deeply unique. You will be placed in command of a squad of brave coffee shop employees, from janitors to top level HR managers in an attempt to stave off wave after wave of Hipsters who are trying to take over.
You will start out with your job application flinging HR reps but in your battle against the scary vinyl-spinners will amass an ever more powerful arsenal of allies. These include sleepy yet highly efficient security guards, maids with mauling mops and more. You will swell your forces by acquiring resource gathering coffee machines. These in themselves are an alternate weapon that will shower the hipsters in dangerous flurries of coffee beans. Think that’s dangerous? Power these bad boys up and they’ll be flinging donuts at your enemy in no time.
Your foe won’t be a push over. They have their own mix of dangerous leaf-eaters. The trendsetter, though terrifying might be the least of your worries as you face the poet, the music master and potentially most frightening of all the cruel villain known only as Flying Tofu.
Televisor are obviously looking for your aid in knocking these 80s denim-wearers into next week. If you need more encouragement then please read the testimonial from that poor unsuspecting cup of joe. I’ll leave this to your own conscience but in my opinion anyone who can do something so heinous to something so innocent needs dealing with in the utterly harsh manner that they truly deserve.