Zombieland: Double Tap game finally gives the world a playable Jesse Eisenberg

 

The crowds have rioted and picketed in the streets, disrupting the fabric of society. It seemed like the day was never going to come, but low and behold, High Voltage Software has finally answered the world’s prayers. That’s right, now we can all finally play a videogame as Jesse Eisenberg thanks to the newly released Zombieland: Double Tap – Road Trip. 

In a twin-stick shooter as uninspired as the plot of the films, you can become as a zombie and mindlessly pilot Jesse through hordes of enemies while he quips about rules and waxes poetic about the new world. 

Now I know what you’re thinking, “why does this game have two subtitles?” Well my friends, that’s because it’s a spinoff of the upcoming Zombieland: Double Tap , which is coming out just a short 10 years after the first film. However, don’t get up in arms about spoilers just yet, because Zombieland: Double Tap – Road Trip is only going to take you through events inspired by the movies. So why couldn’t they just avoid the word salad and call it Zombieland: Road Trip? Movie tie-in licensing bucks, baby! It feels like it’s been far too long since we’ve seen a full game release for a movie tie-in and I for one welcome this throwback to a simpler time. 

Zombieland
Rule 49: Never give the game company rights to your likeness

Let’s not get too distracted from the main point here; the fact of the matter is that we can finally play as Jesse Eisenberg in all of his awkward, stuttering glory. Sure, the game may not feature the actual voice cast of the film and the character models may need you to squint to be able to recognize the famous actors’ likeness, but they’re close enough! No other game on the market right now can fill the raw Eisenberg quota like Zombieland: The Double Tap – The Roadchip: The Squeakquel

Zombieland
Jesse Eisenberg: Slayer of over 10,000 men. Yet he hungers for more.

If you want in on this action, which I know you do, you just need to grab your console of choice or your PC and unwaveringly hand over 40 of your hard earned dollars. That’s right, this non-stop Jesse Eisenberg thrill ride comes at a steep cost. 40 dollars of your money, which you could spend on food or rent or possibly a competent game, could be spent appreciating true art. My family shall weep without food for the week, but they can fend for themselves because Eisenberg is all the family I need. 

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