Paperboy 3: The Hard Way is the best gaming grindhouse movie never made
If Robert Rodriguez and the Nintendo Entertainment System went out, had a few drinks, danced to a few slow songs, and then kept the party going in the backseat of a 1971 Chevy Nova SS 396*, their resulting love child would look a little something like this grindhouse-inspired trailer for Paperboy 3: The Hard Way.
For you kids, Atari Games’ Paperboy was the Dark Souls of 1980s bicycle newspaper delivery route simulators, beginning with a choice of difficulty levels: Easy Street, Middle Road and Hard Way. Newsflash, they were all hard! But that might have been because I didn’t discriminate between subscribers and non-subscribers when it came to smashing windows.
Anyway, aside from being awesome, this trailer is a pretty accurate depiction of how difficult it was to hold down a paper delivery route in the 80s, what with all the spare tires, open manholes and grim reapers. Sadly, this trailer is also just a joke. But you can download the totally tubular soundtrack and get your synth on for real.
*I know there’s no backseat to speak of in a 1971 Chevy Nova SS 396, but how much room do you need to copulate with a NES? If you know the answer to that question, please report it to www.fbi.gov/contact-us – there’s a list they’d looooove to add you to!