Valve teasing an E3 surprise

Valve has something in store for E3, wouldn’t you know it.

While cancelling its Portal 2 event which was to take place on June 14, the company today announced — through a rather entertaining message, included below in full — that it would be replacing it with something that’s classified as “a surprise” of some kind.

Is Half-Life 2: Episode 3 still wishful thinking? We dare not even ask; Valve has preemptively labeled such actions “fruitless”.

Dear Subject Name Here,

Aperture Science is pleased to inform you that we have partnered with Valve to announce the gala CANCELLATION of the June 14 Portal 2 event at the Regal Theater. The event will be replaced by a surprise. And even though the cancellation of the event certainly counts as a surprise, we are pleased to further announce that the cancellation of the event is not THE surprise. However, per International treaties regarding the definition of the word “surprise”, of which both Aperture Science and Valve are signatories, the time, date and content of the actual surprise will only become available as you experience the surprise.

If you’d like to ask fruitless questions about the E3 Portal 2 surprise or, more fruitfully, schedule an appointment to attend a Portal 2 screening at the Valve booth during E3, please contact Valve’s Special Envoy to Surprises, Doug Lombardi.

Thank you for RECORD SCRATCH!!!

PS: The surprising record scratch is also not the surprise.